Pinch me, it's surreal

With the explosion of Facebook, Ning and the internet in general (can you tell I'm still tripped out by technology?) I have been able to re-connect with lots of people I'd otherwise most likely would never tlk to again. I've been re-connected with several of my closest childhood friends, some from high school and a few from college. It made me realize how much I appreciate them. I realize that although I've made some great friends since childhood and college the friends I formed early on in my life are the ones that really KNOW me. They know the Nicole from 6th grade, from 9th grade. They know the Nicole who had the slumber parties. They know that I had an older cousin and younger cousin who went to grade school with me. They knew my grandparents, my mother and my uncle. They knew my family----before it was fractured and broken.I'm so glad for that because although many years have passed in between I don't have to fill in the gaps. I don't have to explain what my life was like before my family changed. I can just be myself.


Similarly, my father's grandchildren --that he never knew he had-- was able to get in touch with him because of the internet. He went from having 1 daughter with no children to having a relationship with both daughters and now 6 grandchildren. Some would expect me to be a little put off by that because I've been raised all my life as an only child. But there is something nice about the idea of having nieces and nephews. I like the idea of being an aunt to people who are related to me and look like me.

When my mother died there was no one to feel the same kind of hurt that I felt. No one no matter what their relationship was to my mom could feel how I felt. I was her ONLY child. But now I take comfort that there are at least 7 other people who are affected by my dad. Who on some level will care about him and has his best interest at heart.

It's so interesting that in a matter of a year how many more people I have in my life now. It's interesting and scary because the pessimistic side of me can't help but wonder what it all means. Is something totally disastrous getting ready to happen which caused all these people to rally around me? Is something getting ready to happen to me or my dad or Scott? Jesus, I hope you have something else planned. I hope you have more GREAT things in store because I truly feel that I'm just getting started.......THE END.