Big Girls Don't Cry

Today I saw an acquaintance that I had not seen in a couple of years. We're sitting catching up (or rather she is rapidly firing questions off at me about my life) and she says, "how did you gain so much weight?" That's right.....she asked me how did I gain "so much" weight!!!! I don't even remember how I responded. I have zero recollection of what happened next. I remember seeing her mouth continue to move but I could not tell you what she said or what else she said to me. I proceeded to dissect and analyze what this wench had just said to me.

Now of course I am acutely aware that I have gained weight in the past couple of years. In fact I can tell you exactly when the weight gain spurts began. During childhood, and early twenties I'd been a stable weight. Fluctuating slightly but nothing too noticeable. After all, I was the ballerina, tap dancer, cheerleader, even an aerobic instructor for God's sake! I'd never had a weight problem before.

Funny thing about turning 31, I swear the day after I turned 31 I instantly went up one dress/pants/jeans size. I was officially in the "double digits." No more 6's and 8's. I stayed that way for a few years and then BAMMMM.... I turned 35 and gained another few pounds. Then most recently I've gained about 10-15 lbs in the past 2 years. Going up yet another dress/pants/ jeans size.

I have been struggling with admitting to myself that I needed to seriously do something about the weight I'm gaining. I've improved my eating habits tremendously but there are certain vices that are hard to kick. The chocolate just seems to keep calling me.

I realize that I need to fully commit to an exercise regimen and I'm certain I will reverse the weight gain. My 20 year high school reunion is next year so I HAVE to get the weight off. (At the 10 yr reunion I was smaller than in high school). I'm working on it and I know that I'll get it together but here is my issue on today's blog.......

Where do people get off telling you about your shortcomings? Who the hell is she to insinuate that I'm fat or "big?" Mind you-- in the same amount of time sistergirl has had a love affair with a few chocolate chip cookies herself!

But seriously, why do people feel the need to either state the obvious or remind you of some flaw that you may have? This weight thing must big a big deal because I have had more people comment on it than anything else about me!

My father, Mr. Joe, will not let an opportunity go by without saying, "girl you have picked up some weight!!" I usually ignore his comments but I'd like nothing more to say, "And you are a jack@ss!!"

My great-aunt saw me last weekend and said, "you're right Joe., she has picked up weight since I last saw her." And again I wanted to say, "look old lady you have a thousand more wrinkles and significantly less sand in the sand glass since I last saw you!"

But the rude comments are not just limited to my weight. People like to say all kinds of things to me to either passively aggressively attack or knock me down a peg....

Remember that time you flipped the table over on your ex boyfriend at that party? How long did you have braces? You don't eat nothing (which is clearly not true or else I would not have the increased weight, now would I?). You're bougie. Employees think you're mean. So and so don't like you. When are you and Scott going to live together, get married? You're gonna be a step-mom? What's wrong with you that you ain't got no kids? You know your biological clock is ticking. Why did you buy that car? Are those scratches on the trunk? You live on the south side? You went to the party school?

WTF!!!!

Where do people get off asserting their opinions and ideas of you on to you? I once told someone that their opinion of me was none of my business. I meant that! Although I'd had a long standing "reputation" of being somewhat aloof, anti social or down right bitchy, people still feel like they can just say anything to me.

There was a time when I would have said something quite cutting in response to these snyde comments but now I'm just cool about it. If only everyone could momentarily place themselves in the others shoes. What if I had told Mr. Joe he's a jack@ss? Or his aunt an old bitty? Or tell ol girl she has gained much more weight than me and by the way you live in a ghetto suburb? Your kid is not as cute as you think? Your breath is humming a bad tune? What if I said these things??? Exactly, then I become the bad buy!

My pastor delivered a great sermon a few years ago in which he asked us to consider 3 things before we commented about someone (whether to them or gossiping about them):
1) Is it nice?
2) Is it true?
3) Is it necessary?

If the comment did not meet all 3 criteria we were advised to keep it to ourselves. I try to be mindful of that. Surely we all know what our flaws are. I don't need anyone to remind of anything. I know me better than anyone.

But like the title of this blog suggests, I'm a Big Girl (and not the Monique, Jill Scott, Queen Latifah kind of big either!). Big girls do not cry.......we get revenge.

Like that prolifc urban poet, Kanye West said, "now that that don't kill me, can only make me stronger...." Sistergirl just don't know that her comment to me today about my weight was fuel to my fire. I will continue to have alot of other things wrong with me, but weight will not be one of them. Watch me fix this.....
THE END!!

Your Arms Are Too Short To Box With God...or Barack!

Remember in the early 80's there was a stage play on the chitlin' circuit called, Your Arms Are Too Short to Box With God? I never saw the performance but I heard enough of the commercials to surmise that it was a tale of some young prodigal person straying away from tradition and belief. It sounded like someone challenging their family, religious tradition and beliefs in the attempt to strike it out on their own. So my guess is that the performance has all the typical elements of a drama and in the end the prodigal person realizes that they cannot beat God in the end. That God has a calling on everyone's life and if He chooses He will fulfill it. So why does McCain think that he can spar with Barack? Does he not know that God has a calling on Barack's life and that it will be fulfilled?
Could you imagine putting McCain and Barack in a ring sparring? Not only is Barack in better physical shape but McCain's arms are literally too short! My friend said he looks like T-Rex. So Mr. John McCain we admire your persistence and you're most likely a rather decent guy, but your arms are too short to box with God......or Barack! YES WE CAN and YES WE WILL!!!

Be That As It May

Scott often teases me for using "SAT" words all the time. He thinks that I overly complicate language by using "big" words when a small one would do just fine. Just the other day he asked me a question in which he was expecting a yes or no answer but I responded with "absolutely." Of course absolutely is not a big word but I guess it's not one you would expect if someone asked you do you want to go inside and sit with their mom.

People have often commented or took note that my word choices may be different than what they expect. I remember years ago my boss asked me if I was friends with someone outside of work and I responded that while we were not friends per se we have "encountered" each other outside of work. He chuckled and repeated back to me "encountered?"

So what's the deal? Why do I seemingly go out of my way to use complicated words or choose to communicate in this way? Well it's very simple. It's partly because I'm dramatic so would you expect Shakespeare to simply write, "Romeo where the hell are you?" Of course not! Dramatic people use colorful language to get their point across and you remember them or at least what they said because of that.

The other reason has nothing to do with my personality. It's just simply because I like English. Or even more specifically I enjoy linguistics-- language arts. It's always been that way for me. In grade school taking the standardized exams I'd score exceptionally well on the language arts portion and sometime below the mark in science or math. English and Language Arts is my strong suit.

What's interesting is that if you use complex or "big" words people automatically think you are smart. I never understood that logic. Using unusual or non typical words does not mean you are smart. It does suggest, however, that you may be a type A personality. The classic overachiever with a point to prove. --- Otherwise you would not be using those big words now would you?

I always love it when someone uses a word or a phrase that is either old school or overly dramatic. I had professor last summer use the phrase "be that as it may" at least 10 times during the course of one class session. Who says that??? It made such an impression that I started saying it all the time! Just think when someone says "be that as it may" what are they really saying to you? They're saying I could careless about what you just said to me, we're doing it my way @sshole! I'd love nothing more than to be able to respond to someone at work in all seriousness after they've just wasted 10 mins of my time explaining to me what my predecessor used to do.

A few months ago an executive wrote an email to me going completely off because I'd ruled a no when he wanted a yes. He went on for several paragraphs and at the end stated that if I did not relent he would resort to a more draconian method. (This simply meant he would fire then re-hire an employee we were discussing).

Now usually I could careless about someone giving me an ultimatum. But I was so excited and impressed with his choice and use of draconian, I totally gave in!! I mean seriously, who uses the word draconian in every day language? I didn't need to know anything else about him other than the word choices he used to determine that he is type A, neurotic and worth being a little afraid of. After all, I did not want to him to resort to draconian measures with me either.

I love words so much that I bought a book, "Why You Say That" by Webb Garrison, so that I could further understand the origin of certain words and phrases. Who knew that the phrase "handwriting on the wall" came from biblical times when Daniel was the only person who could interpret the writings of the Babylonians? I bet you didn't know that a 'bigwig" used to distinguish a judge from all others in a court room. Waking up "on the wrong side of the bed" can be attributed to 18th century culture being so fixated on right handedness that anything "left" of that is considered sinister or wicked. So they attributed weird or out of the ordinary behavior as waking up on the wrong side of the bed. To avoid undesirable behavior they went so far as to push the bed up against a wall to ensure you get out on the "right" side. Who knew these random things? Some may think it's useless information but for me it helps me frame the intent of the word or phrase.

The bible is a great source for quotes and sayings that have become a part of everyday language. Doubting Thomas, working like a Hebrew slave, sell you down the river. Even non-Christians or people who do not believe in God use phrasing that comes directly from the bible. I wonder if they'd continue to use these phrases if they knew where it came from?

So you now understand how great language is and why I choose certain unusual words when a plain one would do just fine. I wonder if my next career should be in speech writing for McCaint? Hmm...

When They Ask Where Were You.....

What an amazing thing we are witnessing right now.

Remember when Jesse ran for president? Not once but twice. How many of us took him seriously? Remember how we excused his defeat as just "trying to prove a point?"

Remember when Barack ran for the Illinois State Senate? I thought his name was weird. Didn't realize he was even Black.

Remember when Barack ran for the U.S. Senate? We chalked up his easy win to luck because his opponent was a complete idiot.

Remember when Barack anounced his candidacy for President of the U.S.? We thought it was a long shot -- at best.

Remember when they used Pastor Wright as means to bring him down? When they posted You Tube clips of Father Pfleger? When it turned ugly in the attack ads and debates with Hillary? We didn't think he had a snow ball's chance...

And now we're at the Democratic National Convention. Michelle has spoken, Hillary has spoken, Bill has spoken, Joe has spoken. And now we sit on the eve of Barack officially accepting the nomination to run for President. We've got 70 days to go until the election.

We did not think this would come to past. We scream, we grin, we clap, we sing, we cheer, we brag. We chant Yes We Can!! If he wins we'll celebrate. If he loses we'll surely riot.

But when they ask you where were you when Barack was on the road to the White House.....

When they ask you what you did for the cause, the movement....what will you say?

"I Love You Already!"

A few years ago my cousin and I went to a New Edition concert. Ralph Tresvant was ABOUT to start singing.....had not uttered a note yet but was ABOUT to start singing and a crazed fan yelled out, I LOVE IT ALREADY!!!" She had not heard anything yet but she loved it already. She was a true fan.

I met my sister, nieces and nephews today and admittedly I was not sure how I'd feel but they are adorable! And they represent exactly what I was missing. I love them already!

What's with the blog?!?!

So during lunch I walked over the the Obama campaign headquarters and ran into a friend who I'll call "Grapey"--- the nickname is a loooong story.

Anyway, Grapey and I exchanged greetings and he says, "so what's up with the BLOOOOG!!!!???" I said, 'what do you mean? It's just a blog and it's self explanatory." He looked very annoyed and puzzled by this; as if it's a foreign concept. Mind you-- he is a guy who is on Facebook and the various Ning sites! (He also criticized me for starting my grade school ning site. Can you say, HATER?)

I took slight offense to his comment. Why can't I have a blog? Am I not witty or funny enough to have one? Am I not smart enough to have one? Am I too black to have one? I totally did not get his comment.

I think EVERYBODY should have a blog. It's a cyber diary. And people you don't even know will be interested enough to stop by and read your comments.

Perhaps if more of us blogged we could spend a little less time frustrated with no meaningful outlet. He ought to be glad I'm blogging. Otherwise I would have cussed him out !!! THE END

I am not my hair, or am I?

So I have been experiencing hair issues for over a year now. It keeps breaking and I cannot seem to get my arms around it. I recently changed hair stylist in hopes that he could improve it. I've only been seeing Phillip (new hair stylist) a month and I guess I've seen slight improvement. He cut my hair alot shorter alleging that I need to "start all over." He wanted to cut it ALL off and I was not prepared to do that so we compromised with a short bob.

Now secretly, deep down in the recesses of my mind I've been wanting to make the leap to natural hair---maybe locks. I've thought about it alot over the years and always thought that I'd do it later. A part of me feels that corporate America is not ready for me to do that. Maybe not MY corporate America counterparts.

It would be different if I was already natural but the process of going natural is not necessarily a pretty one. As much as I like how natural hair looks I don't know if I have the nerve to go for it. My coworkers already think I'm borderline militant (FIGHT THE POWER!!). If I went natural AND Barack Obama wins the election they'd swear it'd be a revolution.

I dont know. I'm so frustrated and fed up with my hair as it is today but I really am afraid to go natural. I have to at least wait until Scott marries me!!!! LOL THE END

Pinch me, it's surreal

With the explosion of Facebook, Ning and the internet in general (can you tell I'm still tripped out by technology?) I have been able to re-connect with lots of people I'd otherwise most likely would never tlk to again. I've been re-connected with several of my closest childhood friends, some from high school and a few from college. It made me realize how much I appreciate them. I realize that although I've made some great friends since childhood and college the friends I formed early on in my life are the ones that really KNOW me. They know the Nicole from 6th grade, from 9th grade. They know the Nicole who had the slumber parties. They know that I had an older cousin and younger cousin who went to grade school with me. They knew my grandparents, my mother and my uncle. They knew my family----before it was fractured and broken.I'm so glad for that because although many years have passed in between I don't have to fill in the gaps. I don't have to explain what my life was like before my family changed. I can just be myself.


Similarly, my father's grandchildren --that he never knew he had-- was able to get in touch with him because of the internet. He went from having 1 daughter with no children to having a relationship with both daughters and now 6 grandchildren. Some would expect me to be a little put off by that because I've been raised all my life as an only child. But there is something nice about the idea of having nieces and nephews. I like the idea of being an aunt to people who are related to me and look like me.

When my mother died there was no one to feel the same kind of hurt that I felt. No one no matter what their relationship was to my mom could feel how I felt. I was her ONLY child. But now I take comfort that there are at least 7 other people who are affected by my dad. Who on some level will care about him and has his best interest at heart.

It's so interesting that in a matter of a year how many more people I have in my life now. It's interesting and scary because the pessimistic side of me can't help but wonder what it all means. Is something totally disastrous getting ready to happen which caused all these people to rally around me? Is something getting ready to happen to me or my dad or Scott? Jesus, I hope you have something else planned. I hope you have more GREAT things in store because I truly feel that I'm just getting started.......THE END.

Auntie Ms. Nikki?

So my father, Mr. Joe, called me over the weekend and told me that I am an aunt to 6 children. How did that happen when I'm an only child?

Ok, I should clarify-- I am my mother's only child and I did not grow up having a relationship with Mr. Joe's older daughter.

He's pleasantly surprised about being a grandfather. Rightfully so. I think it's rather comical. I woke up yesterday immediately becoming an aunt to 6 children-- one of them only 9 yrs younger than me!

I told him to let me know if they decide to come vist dear ol' grandpa Mr. Joe. And here I thought all this time that my puppy dog Ming was his only grandbaby. Poor Ming...she will not take the news well.

When it's time to go home...

So yesterday the news broke that comedian Bernie Mac passed away-- complications of pneumonia and sarcardosis is my assumption. It's interesting because my aunt Barbara passed away from complications of sarcodosis and my mother passed away from pneumonia. I remember thinking that in 1990 no one should still be dying from pneumonia. I considered it something that could be successfully treated if caught early enough. I've often lamented about how weird and unfair it seemed that my mother died from pneumonia. When asked what was the cause of my mother's death everyone seems to look at me incredulously-- even my internist. Why...? Very simple, people are not supposed to contract pneumonia and die in the span of a few days.

Well this news of Bernie Mac while sad and unfortunate gave me some measure of comfort. It seems that his sarcodosis was in remission and that he was only dealing with pneumonia. He spent a few weeks in Northwestern Hospital-- one of the top hospitals in Chicago. While discussing his sudden death at the hair salon yesterday, one lady said, "Northwestern couldn't even save him?" That's when it came to me....not even Northwestern could save him. What that said to me is that I didn't have to feel so bad about my mom dying from pneumonia. I didn't have to keep thinking what if?? What if she had been at a better hospital? What if she had not been a heavy smoker? What if I'd been home when she got sick.

The situation with Bernie Mac made me realize that it did not matter. Surely Bernie had access to the best doctors and the best hospitals yet they could not "save" him. They could not stop what had already been pre-destined by God. As much as it hurts, it was just his time to go home; at the young age of 50. And now I can stop feeling so guilty about my mom. It was just her time to go home; even at the young age of 40. It was simply just her time to go home. I guess now I can accept that. THE END.

I admit...

I don't understand Facebook at all. I resisted joining for a long time until I kept getting repeat invites from my sophisticated friends. I joined, set up my profile, pics and preferences. Then all of a sudden I started getting challenges to trivia games and other extremely annoying gimmicks I equate with being a teenager. If it were not for the fact that I want to be in touch and available to friends (current and old ones), I'd snatch my stuff off the page. It's annoying and no where nearly as interesting nor addictive as Ning.

Now Ning? That's a whole other story. I LOVE IT! Do you hear me? I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE ning. It allows me to be a voyeur into the lives of old classmates---going all the way to elementary school. Some of them I liked..and others I didn't like. Still others that I cannot remember how I felt about them (or vice versa). It's sort of like Match without the blantant flirting and hook ups. It's the lazy way to be in touch with friends and I LOVE it---as I sit here and type this lying on the couch watching John Edwards admit he's a cheater. Ugh, men....but that's a whole other blogging subject. THE END

Let me introduce myself....

I'm Nicole, Ms. Nikki I'm often called because of short people not old enough to drink or vote for Obama. I'm a native Chicagoan, from the south side if I'm keeping it real. I'm 30-something, un-married (but in a relationship), only child, and owner of one very spoiled dog.

To say that I'm complex and multi-layered would be an understatement. I'm a host of imperfections but as my girl Nikki says, "even my errors are correct." I'm blogging as a hobby but if I'm being honest it's to purge. Get it all out and be freed. Freed from what you ask? I'm not sure yet. But I'll know it when it happens. THE END