Sunday, February 8, 2009

Just Running Cross My Mind....

If you are on Facebook then by now you have received the requests to complete your "25 Things" or describe something about yourself with just "One Word." Interesting how this kind of chain communicating has moved from your email to Facebook. Well I would like to share with you a few random things that have crossed my mind over the past week or so.

Here goes:

1) Facebook etiquette. You should not get into a fight with a friend of a friend who has made a comment on Facebook. By that I mean if someone makes a comment on a friend's page that you do not agree with, refrain from saying something rude. Remember, you should respect your mutual friend even if their friend is an asshole.

2) I have come to realize that most acts of kindness are selfish. Even in their giving people are selfish because giving is gratifying to the giver so it's ultimately about making themselves feel good.

3) Your friends will want you to be single if they are single, married if they are married or in a relationship if they are in a relationship. This is true for both men and women.

4) It's probably not a good idea to be Facebook friends with coworkers. I mean, it's really going to piss you off when you find out that Tom is really a KKK member on the weekends. Conversely, when you find out that LaTanya is stripping on the weekends. (I'm just saying.....)

5) All men are created equally deficient and stupid. So be careful about commenting or judging your friend's mate because your friend likely has a laundry list of judgements about your's.

6) If you are going to dine at a restaurant with more than just yourself, do not dare nitpick the bill when it comes. Split it equally among the parties even if what you ate was the cheapest.
It all balances itself out if you dine together in the future.

7) Trying to get back in shape or lose weight is most likely the most humbling experience a woman will have. It's a bitch and I cannot believe I am at this point!!!

8) Everyone should try to incorporate 1 or 2 things that Dr. Oz suggests about health & fitness. Buy 100% whole wheat products, avoid anything that says "enriched," and drink beverages that use real sugar versus high fructose corn syrup.

9) People who are sarcastic, passive aggressive or overly opinionated are insecure and/or envious. It simply not worth the energy to cuss them out or set them straight. Let them keep on hating.

10) Although it is 2009, a new century and a new day, I still find it insulting when a black man does not date a black woman. Although I do not mind if a black woman does not date a black man. Admittedly it's my double standard but there are quite simply too many single black women who cannot find a man.

11) If Barack Obama's wife was not black I am fairly certain the black community would not have supported him. Conversely, if Barack Obama's mother and maternal grandparents were not white I am fairly certain alot of white people would not have supported him.

12) Everyone has a right to have a preference but no one has the right to be disrepectful. This may appear contrary to #10 but I already admitted that #10 is my own hang up.

13) There are people who still believe that Black is inferior, inherently less attractive, or undesirable. And I mean there are BLACK people who feel this way.

14) When entering a new relationship you should go in with a clean slate. Do not assign your former's flaws to the new person. But you should always be on alert.

15) I would rather get married and have no children than to be a single parent. It's nothing against single parents or parenting because I am a product of a single parent. However, because I am a product of a single parent I know intimately how difficult and often times lonely it can be. I don't have the strength to take that on.

16) Everyone should have a relationship with God.

17) Everyone should see Slum Dog Millionaire and read, "Midnight" by Sista Souljah. You will fall in love with Indian and Asian people/ culture.

18) Everyone needs a best friend.

19) You have to have good esteem and self image before going "natural" with your hair.

20) Being an aunt and/or and stepmother is for me the best of both worlds.

21) In a perfect situation I would have gotten married around age 28 - 30 then had 2 kids of my own.

22) There is something to be said for attending all Black elementary and high schools with a strong emphasis on culture. You will have the rest of your life to learn about others but understanding of yourself is crucial to your success, survival and sanity.

23) Do not assume that all people have commen sense or courtesy. Sometimes you have to tell others how you expect to be treated.

24) If you do someone a favor do not hold your breath for a thank you or a returned gesture.

25) Some of the people I care most about and are closest to are completely disorganized, irresponsible and will nilly. I wonder what that says about me.

Friday, January 23, 2009

I support President Obama but....


Without question I am a strong, committed supporter of President Barack Obama. I cannot even begin to list all the reasons why I support him, the list would be too long. I am so proud of him and his family and I want him to suceed. But....

If I am honest about it, I'm not a new or renewed patriotic American. I am an American because I was born and raised here. America has been my only reality. However, the ills and misdeeds of this country still run deep and I am reminded of it every day.

I did not feel a sense of pride for this country because Barack won the election. I felt a sense of pride for Barack and Black people all over the world. I do not feel suddenly included in the Constitution, Declaration of Independence, "We The People"......they were not talking about me! This country has never cared or valued non-White Americans and they are not going to begin now that the president is Black. All the wrongs President Obama is undoing as a result of Bush will just be re-implemented when the next president enters the office in 4 or 8 years.

The Star Spangled Banner, My Country Tis of Thee, God Bless America....they still sound like someone else's experience. Seriously, think about the lyrics:

"My country tis of thee, sweet land of liberty of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land where the pilgrims cried, from every mountain side, let freedom ring." This one is too easy! Sweet land of liberty for who? Land where the pilgrims cried because you wiped them out!! Let freedom ring for refugees from Europe, not anyone else.

Lift Every Voice and Sing, God Bless The Child, We Shall Overcome are songs that stir my emotions.

"Lift every voice and sing, till earth and Heaven ring,
Ring with the harmonies of liberty;
Let our rejoicing rise, high as the listening skies,
Let it resound loud as the rolling sea.
Sing a song full of the faith that the dark past has taught us,
Sing a song full of the hope that the present has brought us;
Facing the rising sun of our new day begun,
Let us march on till victory is won."

We should celebrate, we should be proud, we should support our new president. But let us keep marching on til real victory is won.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Barack It!!


Notice how calm, cool and collected Barack Obama always appears? He remains in control and unnerved. He takes his time when answering questions. His response is always thoughtful and poignant. I'm stating the obvious but Barack has kick down doors and shattered stereotypes across the world. He surpassed all expectations, calculations, polls, bets, conspiracy theories.

Scott told one of his students that he needed to "Barack" it. I thought about exactly what that meant and decided that I would "Barack" it too.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Superwoman


I am Superwoman
Yes I am
Even when I'm a mess
I still put on a vest
With an "s" on my chest
Oh Yes!
I'm a Superwoman. ~Alicia Keys 2008

No truer words ever spoken. But I did not always believe that.
When people start describing the attributes of a Black Woman
They usually talk about them struggling to pay bills and raise their families are a single mother.
They usually talk about their self sacrificing nature and tendency to neglect themselves.

Those attributes do not describe me. I am not a single mother, I do not struggle to pay bills (glory to Jesus!), and I do not neglect myself.

Well...maybe I neglect myself. Perhaps that is why I am nursing a terrible upper respiratory infection.
You see, I am just coming out of the busiest and therefore, worst time of year as an HR Benefits Manager. The past 5 months have been pure hell at work. Too many projects and not enogh resources or time. And everyone expects it all to get done...PERIOD.

So what did I do?
I put on my vest
With an "s" on my chest
And I did it all...and then some.
Now I'm home nursing a cold that should have been attended to a few days ago.
But that's okay
Cause I am Superwoman.

The Difference Between You and Me


I am not weak
U are
I do not go along
U do
I don't do fake or phony. U'll know where I stand
U? It depends on the agenda and ulterior motive
I know am intelligent
U are pleasantly surprised by my intelligence
I do not think I am better than u
U think I am better than u
I am not easily intimidated
U retreat at the first sign of conflict
I am a chameleon. Able to relate with most regardless of socioeconomic make up
U assert the stereotypical things u learned from a college roommate
I am direct, honest, sincere
U are not
I am funny, witty and silly
U need me to start the party
I hold court most every where I go
U affix ur self to me in hopes that some of my sparkle rubs off on u
I am fair, loyal, and generous
U are biased, disloyal and stingy
I am dramatic without being overly emotional
U are emotional and erratic
When I speak, they hear me
When u speak they hear "drama"
My career does not define me
Ur career is all u have
I respect my friends and family
U run from family and use ur friends
I voted for Obama but I know he will not be perfect
U are still stuck on his middle name
U may call me arrogant
I call u unfortunate
I come from kings and queens. The world's first civilizations
U come from where again?
Right, that's the difference between you and me

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Pay It Forward



I never saw the movie Pay It Forward but I understand the concept. It's essentially about passing on good deeds, gestures and acts of kindness.

A few years ago I became a volunteer at the University of Chicago hospital--neonatal unit. I was a cradler-- my job was simply to hold newborn babies in the absence of their moms. While interviewing for the job the director, at the time is was Michelle Obama, asked me what was the last thing I'd done out of kindness for someone. It took me off guard as I was not expecting her to ask me when was the last time I'd done something nice for no reason or ulterior motive. I can't remember what I said at the time but I know I was able to come up with something I'd done recently. But ever since then it's something that I think about and I often asks others the same question, "when was the last time you did something nice for someone? Particularly someone you don't even know?"

It's the holiday season now and you're starting to see commercials and articles about giving to the "less fortunate." Feed the hungry on Thanksgiving. Buy toys for tots for Christmas. I'm always conflicted by these ideas. Why give someone food only on Thanksgiving? Do they go back to being hungry the next week when leftovers run out? Give kids a bunch of toys on the day we observe Jesus's birthday but let them go unattended to or cared for the rest of the year? Does not seem quite right. Nor does it seem Christ-centered. We should always give and volunteer no matter the season or holiday.

Some people say, charity begins at home." Meaning you should try to help meet the needs of family members and loved ones before seeking out strangers to assist. I've often done that because it's easier to help people you know. It's more comfortable to help people you know. Instead of bringing backpacks to the church for the Back to School drive I bought backpacks for my one of my cousin's kids. It was nice of me but I should be stretching myself to help others.

I heard on the radio that a town in Colorado was noted because they'd started the trend of paying for the person behind them in the drive thru fast food restaurant. By the time the person pulled up to the drive thru window their predecessor had already paid for their meal. I thought that was really cool. I'd like to do that.

My neighbor has a small, energetic dog very similar to mine. However, her dog, Diva, is a puppy and very, very annoying. Ming hates going outside when Diva is out there. Anyway, Ming is at the groomer today and I went outside and saw Ms. Diva bouncing around in the cold with her short hair cut. It is simply too cold for her to be out there with nothing on. So I went into my apartment and got her one of Ming's sweaters she has never worn and gave it to Ms. Diva. Now she is warm while she is bouncing around annoying me and everybody else in the building.

So the point of this post is to encourage you to think about what and when was the last act of kindness you've done for someone. You and I should remember to ask ourselves that everyday and if we have to think about for too long, it's been too long.

By the way, that's my Ming in this picture. Fresh from the groomer!!

If You Liked It Then You Should Have Put A Ring On It!


If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it! No truer words have been spoken. Leave it to Beyonce you give the ladies another anthem. Remember, Independent Women? Irreplaceable, to the left, to the left!! You must not know 'bout me!!! I can have another you in a minute, matter fact he'll be here in a minute, baby!!!

Oh, sorry, I got carried away. Where was I? Oh, Beyonce has given us another anthem. Single Ladies put your hands up!! Oh, Oh, Oh....

The male protests, teeth sucking, heavy sighing and eye rolling have already begun. Scott cringes when it comes on the radio and as soon as I hear the first note, I perk up and put my hands up!!

Beyonce in all of her 27 yrs of life experience (and most of it was while being a celebrity) has the ability to relate and sing to the everyday woman---or at least the writers, and co writers help her to be able to relate with every day women.

It's true, You are a beautiful liar. Bug-a-boo. You be saying, no, no, no, no. no, when it's really yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. My body is too bootilicious for you. But let me upgrade you. Cause baby I can't get over you. And I don't want no substitute. Baby it's deja-vu. If I were a boi, I swear I'd be a better man. And nicca~ if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it!!

But don't take my word for it. Watch Justin...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eh8tqhJLBS8