What I Learned From My Teenage Niece

Teenagers are an interesting group of fake adults. I spent the last few days with my 18 yr old niece. It was interesting to say the least.

Did you know that teenagers stay online ALL night on my space, facebook, tagged and all those other sites? I learned a ton of e-lingo. "ILY" for "I Love You" is my favorite. They are like vampires! Nakiya slept until afternoon then stayed online all evening until 4AM the next day!! How do they pull it off without looking like death warmed over?

They are also deaf-mutes, brooding, moody, uncharacteristically quiet around you and other adults but when they get with their friends they come to life! Sometimes you can trick a teenager into slipping into their true selves. All you have to do is say Lil Wayne, Chris Brown, Housewives of Atlanta and they are ready to talk your head off!

My niece was telling me a story about how her sister (my 16 yr old niece) was getting ready to fight the on again, off again ex girlfriend of her supposed boyfriend. Teenage drama is so utterly stupid. Why was my niece--the 16 yr old-- Shabreeda (yes, her name is Shabreeda) getting ready to fight a girl who shares her boyfriend? Mind you, neither of them are sleeping with the little boy so boyfriend is a term I use in the context of crazy teenagers. Apparently the girl saw Shabreeda at Applebee's and walks up to her and called her a horseface bitch. When Nakiya told me this I fell out laughing hysterically!! Shabreeda did not see the humor and lept on the girl. What about several days later the girl and Shabreeda are BFF's online. Seriously.

Another thing I found interesting is that teenagers mumble and talk real low. I have to ask Nakiya to repeat herself 100 times. What is that? And why do they say, "finna." I have not said finna since I was probably 5 yrs old and I am certain my mother took care of that ASAP. How can you be an English major in college and say "finna?" Is finna now cool slang?

And what's with all the self portrait photos they post online? Every photo is a pic of themselves posing AND sticking their ass towards the camera? What's with the stripper, booty shots? I don't get it at all.

When my time with Nakiya was up, I dropped her off with her mom and politely said, I'm sooooo glad I'm not a teenager. I'll take boring, lame, dinosaur status any day over being a millennial teenager.