Dear Old Dad Is Having a Party.....I'm not invited

So if you have been following my blog you know that I just became acquainted with my half sister Kathy and her family. She asked me the last time I saw her if I would be attending my father's upcoming birthday party. I told her that I didn't know about the party. She seemed a little surprised and began to try to explain or rather make excuses for Mr. Joe.

I told her I'd think about it and let her know. Well, I've thought about it and the fact of the matter is I really am not interested in attending. My father and I have a "functional" and sometimes strained relationship. There's a long back story that I'll save for another time but let's just say that we do not spend holidays together and there has NEVER been a time he's wished me a happy birthday.

Anyway, I thought about attending for my sister's sake. She'll have an opportunity to meet more of Mr. Joe's friends and family. But then I came to myself and decided that I will not be attending because I WAS NOT INVITED. I mean, seriously, he didn't tell me about it.

Now I realize it may sound petty, spoiled, selfish or whatever; but had Kathy not mention it to me I highly doubt I'd find out and I would have missed it anyway! So my question to you is should I attend, even though I was not invited and more important I'd really rather not do the fake, devoted daughter dog and pony show?

I Voted Today

I voted today. I pulled up to the polling location and quickly realized that there was a line wrapped around the building. The election is just 11 days away. I took my place at the end of the line and patiently waited. This was too important to allow the inconvenience of waiting discourage me. My inconvenience is nothing compared to those that came before me who fought, suffered, and some died so that I could have the right. The same right as was principled in the constitution.

I stood in line and watched the other voters. They had on AppleBottom jeans, RocaWear jackets, business suits, grandmothers in wheelchairs, babies in strollers, then there was me--standing there in my HBCU sweatshirt checking email on my smartphone. The psuedo-professional Black girl.

As the line inched closer it grew twice as long and all of a sudden it descended on me. I was flooded with such overwhelming emotion. Tears raced down my cheeks. I kept thinking, we're doing it, we're doing it, we're doing it. It's happening in my lifetime. I will have a part in history.

40 years ago they mourned MLK's assassination. Now we have someone else to believe in. We finally have someone else to believe in and he's not just for us but he can lead everyone else too. I'm so proud. I know him. If we saw each other on the street would he know me? Naw, but all I'd have to say it TUCC, unapologetically black and unashamedly Christian. He comes from my city, he married a woman from the hood(who attended my rival high school). I know them well. YOU know them. They are the same everyday people as we are.

As I walked up to the station, I took the stylus from the polling captain and I kept crying and wiping my face. I stood there and stared at the ballot for at least 5 minutes before I clicked the button. It's happening, it's happening right before my eyes. By the time I finished casting my entire IL ballot, unbeknownst to me I'd begun whispering aloud, "thank you, thank you, thank you Jesus. Hallelujah to Jesus." I didn't realize it at first but I'd set off a shouting session in the polling place! Women were saying Amen! Hallelujah! Men were saying, "He's alright!" Had I stayed a moment longer I am certain I would have caught the Holy Ghost!! (which has never happended to me yet) .

I walked out and kept wiping tears and the whole line still wrapped around the building kept humming, God is good! Amen! Thank ya Jesus!!

It's happening. We are doing it.

Yes we can.
Yes we will.
Yes we are.
Yes we did.

Thank you Jesus!
Thank you God! Now cover Him, protect Him, anoint Him, and keep him safe.

AMEN

What I Learned From My Teenage Niece

Teenagers are an interesting group of fake adults. I spent the last few days with my 18 yr old niece. It was interesting to say the least.

Did you know that teenagers stay online ALL night on my space, facebook, tagged and all those other sites? I learned a ton of e-lingo. "ILY" for "I Love You" is my favorite. They are like vampires! Nakiya slept until afternoon then stayed online all evening until 4AM the next day!! How do they pull it off without looking like death warmed over?

They are also deaf-mutes, brooding, moody, uncharacteristically quiet around you and other adults but when they get with their friends they come to life! Sometimes you can trick a teenager into slipping into their true selves. All you have to do is say Lil Wayne, Chris Brown, Housewives of Atlanta and they are ready to talk your head off!

My niece was telling me a story about how her sister (my 16 yr old niece) was getting ready to fight the on again, off again ex girlfriend of her supposed boyfriend. Teenage drama is so utterly stupid. Why was my niece--the 16 yr old-- Shabreeda (yes, her name is Shabreeda) getting ready to fight a girl who shares her boyfriend? Mind you, neither of them are sleeping with the little boy so boyfriend is a term I use in the context of crazy teenagers. Apparently the girl saw Shabreeda at Applebee's and walks up to her and called her a horseface bitch. When Nakiya told me this I fell out laughing hysterically!! Shabreeda did not see the humor and lept on the girl. What about several days later the girl and Shabreeda are BFF's online. Seriously.

Another thing I found interesting is that teenagers mumble and talk real low. I have to ask Nakiya to repeat herself 100 times. What is that? And why do they say, "finna." I have not said finna since I was probably 5 yrs old and I am certain my mother took care of that ASAP. How can you be an English major in college and say "finna?" Is finna now cool slang?

And what's with all the self portrait photos they post online? Every photo is a pic of themselves posing AND sticking their ass towards the camera? What's with the stripper, booty shots? I don't get it at all.

When my time with Nakiya was up, I dropped her off with her mom and politely said, I'm sooooo glad I'm not a teenager. I'll take boring, lame, dinosaur status any day over being a millennial teenager.

SistaGirl, What Is Your Secret?

How did you get that husband? Those kids? That house? You seem so happy. How did you get him to propose to you? SistaGirl, what is your secret?

I've tried to be honest, I've tried to be flexible, I've tried to compromise, I've tried to learn from past failed relationships. It's not looking good for me. I'm not going to have a man!

How did you do it? Did you cook? Were you attentive? Did you become best friends with his mom? Did you buy a gift for his kids? Did you pretend to be the perfect girlfriend while courting then flip the script after the wedding? Oh, you didn't flip the script, you're still perfect?

Well then did you settle? Is he exactly what you wanted? Is he what you needed? Is it truly all it's cracked up to be? Did you plan the kids? Do you really like his sister? Did you keep your pre-marriage figure? Are you sticking your finger down your throat when he's not around?

I'm not hatin'. Not at all. I simply need to know your secret. What am I missing? What am I not doing? Could it be that I'm simply not the relationship or marrying type? Have I waited too long in my 37 years to be able to coexist with any man in harmony?

Did you hear me? Honeychild, what is your secret? Is it your bedroom tricks? Do you hang out with him and his friends at the expense of yours? Did you attend his family functions and excuse him from attending yours? Do you get the slippers when he comes home? Do you let the let the petty things roll off your back?

The overwhelming majority of my friends are married. I ask myself all the time what is it that's different about me? Why do I attract or hook up with men who ultimately cannot or will not commit?

Yeah I've heard it all. He's insecure. He is intimated. He is self sabotaging the relationship. He's immature. His mom babied him. All of his ex's don't hold a candle to you. He is not as smart as you. Blah, blah, blah. I don't discount any of those hypotheses but seriously.... why can't I keep a man?!!

No, I don't need a man to be fulfilled but who among us wants to experience life without a partnership and companionship? Women who say they don't want that are lying. I don't have time to lie to you or myself. I want a man, dammit!

You, Mrs. I'm happily married ever after, had better tell me your secret!!

Chi Town Stand Up!!

From time to time I talk to friends and acquaintances about what it's like to live in Chicago. I'm often asked why don't Chicagoans leave? Many people say that Chicagoans have a superiority complex. That we think our city is better than all other cities. It's true! We are boastful, arrogant, and obsessed and defensive of our city. In fact, our windy city nickname was given because of our bragging.

But what's not to love about Chicago?

We have 2 baseball teams; even though the Cubs have not seen a World Series in 100 years, that's beside the point. We have the Bears--- did YOUR team go to the Superbowl within the past 3 years? And the world famous Bulls-- okay maybe not now, but we did have MJ! We have great restaurants, PIZZA! We have great culture. There is no better place to be in the summertime! We have theater, museums, architecture, Taste of Chicago for goodness sake! The best skyline of any place in the country...dare I say the world!

Our mayor is so gangster that he shut down an airport over night! Do you hear me? He shut down an airport without clearance or permission. Mayor Daley will kick YOUR mayor's ass!

There's Chaka Khan, Kanye West, Michael Jordan, OPRAH, Jennifer Hudson, Common, R. Kelly (ok maybe we should not mention Robert), and dare I mention Barack Obama-- the next president, God willing, of the United States!!!

House music! "Time to Jack!!'

We have certain Chi Town originated slang. Yes we say salty, bagged back, buggy, park (instead of parking space), scary (instead of scared), and juke.

Frank Sinatra sang about us, Bob Fosse wrote a show for us. ER and many other shows have been shot, based or filmed here. Did you see the latest Batman movie? Yep, filmed in the building I work in.

Every now and then I consider moving to another city. I've contemplated Atlanta, NY, DC and even Dallas. Perhaps I'll move to experience a different setting for a period of time. But I know that Chicago will always been home.

So what's not to love about Chicago? Okay maybe the snow and cold are a bit of a turn off. But buy a fur coat and keep it moving!!

Chi Town stand up!!!

Yes I Know Jesus For Myself....

Yes, I know Jesus
Yes, I know Jesus
Yes, I know Jesus, for myself
Woke me up this morning,
Saw a brand new dawning,
Feeds me when I'm hungry,
Comforts me when I lonely,
Yes, I know Jesus for myself

Last summer I briefly dated a guy who did not believe in God or Jesus (or anything else that would be responsible for him being alive). He did not believe in anything greater than himself. Hence the reason why we only dated briefly. Me trying not to be flaky decided to give it a chance. Thought maybe I'd been placed in his life to help him find Jesus! What happened instead was that I became increasingly intolerant of him and we quickly ended the would be dating after a few weeks.

How can a person not believe in God? Especially if you are Black? How could we come through 400 years of slavery, 150 years after slavery ended getting ready to have a Black president and not believe in God? It is truly amazing to me. God has been ever present in the lives of Black people. But not only that....I know Him for myself.

"Yes I know Him for myself, and he'll do just what he said." I can never for a minute think that God or Jesus is not real. He has been evident in my life from the very beginning. I did not grow up "in church" but it has been all around me while growing up. I joined a church and became a "baptized believer" in July 1996. I was 25 years old. By some standards I was a late bloomer and should have been baptized as a child. However, I think I had a greater appreciation for the entire experience as an adult. I truly chose God. I chose to believe in Jesus; so much so I was baptized as an outward sign of this belief. Yes I know Jesus for myself.

When I was 10 yrs old I fell down an elevator shaft and lived to blog about it. I did not tell anyone, not anyone in my family knows that I fell down the shaft and just so happened to fall to the next floor of the apt bldg instead of down the entire shaft to my death.

When I was 13 my apartment bldg caught fire and I remember climbing down the ladder ever so carefully in the dead of winter with my pj's on. To this day the smell of wood burning makes me nauseous. When I was graduating from grade school I was not immediately accepted into my high school of choice. Later that summer, after I registered elsewhere I got the acceptance letter. Graduating from high school the same thing happened. Later that summer my school of choice called me to register.

Freshman year of college my mom died. I was an only child who had to immediately grow up. I attended college 4 years on full financial aid grants. Was declared "independent" and did not have to take out any student loans. Yes, I know Jesus for myself.

My favorite uncle and my source of financial support died 4 years after my mother. Just after I left college. I got on my own apartment and never looked back. I have always been able to take care of myself. No matter how much or how little money I may have had along the way. I had a car throughout college that was fully paid for.

At 29 I was convinced that I had breast cancer. Doctors performed mammograms, ultrasounds, biopsies. It was nothing.

I wore braces for a whole lot longer than I should have. When they finally came off, my teeth were perfect. I should not have had a tooth left in my mouth. Yes, I know Jesus for myself.

I've been severed from a job, I've quit another job without a place to go, I've been in situations when I did not know how I'd pay my rent. But I never, ever went without. I re-connected with my father shortly after I joined church and now I have a paternal family that I'm getting to know.

I have had more exboyfriends than any woman should ever claim. Relationships that fell apart for one reason or another. Some situations I had absolutely no business being involved in. A couple of situations that had the potential to be dangerous.

Despite all the hurts, the trials, the challenges I have faced. I constantly remind myself that it could have been so much worse. I thank Him for covering me and keeping me, in spite of me. Despite what others may think of me, I am certain of who I am. And whose I am. I am humbled at the thought of the awesome nature of God. If it were not for Him I would have been dead or mentally insane many years ago.

Yes, I know Jesus for myself.....and he'll do just what he said.